Why dating apps suck

Tomas McIntee
8 min readJun 28, 2023

A game theory problem — and a solution!

I first drafted this back when I was actively using dating apps. I decided that I wouldn’t post it until after I had a steady girlfriend. We’ve been dating for over a year now, and we did not meet on a dating app.

While dating apps and websites are sometimes useful in finding someone, most dating apps are very bad at helping people find a partner for the long haul. This is true in spite of the fact that there is a significant and very frustrated market for long-term monogamous matchmaking services! On the whole, people are lonelier than they’ve ever been before, with more trouble making real-life connections.

The technology available should be able to help with this… but there’s a problem in the mathematics of the situation. Game theory shows us a problem. Game theory also suggests a solution.

Example of a nice clear matching solution between two sets of objects.

Mathematics offers many good approaches for matching problems in general — that is, the problem of putting together pairs of things (such as people) in a way that is optimal. The main obstacle in matching problems is information. Optimal matching requires collecting a lot of information and processing a lot of information across a wide number of possible matches (pairs). The rise of dating apps has come with a monumental rise in information processing technology. However, from the perspective of users…

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Tomas McIntee
Tomas McIntee

Written by Tomas McIntee

Dr. Tomas McIntee is a mathematician and occasional social scientist with stray degrees in physics and philosophy.

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